Illustration XXVI: Fragments of Existence

⬅  Check the illustration post before this, Illustration - XXV

Hey there, illustration enthusiasts and followers of the chaotic good! It's time for another brain dump from your favorite disorganized artist. Last week was a beautiful mess of connections, concepts, and the occasional existential crisis (as per usual).

1. Sunday Spirits & Sibling Reconnections

Last Sunday involved rare but precious drinks with my sister. There's something about family that brings both comfort and chaos—a paradox I'm always trying to capture in my work. Those conversations when you're both buzzed enough to skip the small talk but not so drunk you forget what was said? Pure gold for creative fodder.

The sketches that emerged afterward were surprising even to me—something about the way siblings see through your carefully constructed personas while simultaneously remembering versions of you that no longer exist. It's like being simultaneously seen and misremembered. Which brings me to...

2. The Skin We Live Within

You are lost in an image of me.
I'm standing in front of you,
Yet you don't see me.

This piece started as a nightmare and ended as a statement. The layers of human skin curled around the figure represent all the projections people place on us—the versions of ourselves we've outgrown but others insist on remembering.

I wanted to play with the discomfort of being trapped in others' perceptions while your actual self suffocates beneath. The technical challenge was creating texture that feels simultaneously organic and oppressive. Used a combination of digital brushes with some unexpected coffee stains (classic me, ruining my workstation again).

3. Windows to Elsewhere (Self-Portrait)

The self-portrait with the horse and the blue figure peeping through the window emerged during one of those 3 AM can't-sleep-might-as-well-create sessions.

There's this recurring theme in my work lately—the window as both barrier and passage. The horse represents instinct and freedom (very on-the-nose, I know), while the blue figure is that part of me that's always observing, always slightly removed from full participation in my own life. The window across the eyes creates this double-viewing effect: seeing while being seen, observing while being observed.

Is it too pretentious? Probably. Am I going to keep doing it anyway? Absolutely.

4. Swimming Upstream: The Koi Project Management Concept

This was a commissioned concept for a project management tool that I ended up enjoying way more than expected. The client wanted something that represented "flow and obstacle navigation" and my brain immediately went to koi fish.

There's something perfect about using koi for project management visualization—they're deliberate, graceful, and navigate complex environments with apparent ease (unlike the actual process of managing projects, which is usually more like herding cats while on fire).

Used a combination of watercolor textures imported into digital formats for this one. The challenge was making something simultaneously professional and alive—corporate imagery without the soul-crushing boredom it usually induces.

5. Jazz Hands & French Obsessions

"We gonna make some jazz tonight"

I've been absolutely torturing everyone around me with random French music lately. There's something about the melodic flow of French that fits perfectly with how I want my latest illustrations to feel—structured yet improvisational, following rules I can't quite articulate.

 

This piece explores the textures of sound through abstraction and figure work. The two musicians are intentionally fragmented—their instruments and bodies blending into each other in a visual representation of how music removes boundaries between performers.

The textures were created using a new brush set I've been experimenting with that mimics the scratchiness of old vinyl records. Seemed appropriate for the jazz theme.

6. The Digital Barricade

"Sorry, I am Currently Busy Creating Art"

This piece is basically my auto-reply to the world when I'm in creation mode. The coded typo texture represents both barrier and excuse—the digital wall I put up when I need to disconnect.

It's a strange paradox of the creative life: needing to be connected to the world for inspiration while simultaneously requiring isolation to actually produce the work. This piece is equal parts confession and declaration.

7. life.cai()

This coded name label is part of an ongoing series where I'm exploring the intersection of my developing interest in programming with visual art. As someone who exists between multiple worlds—geographical, cultural, and now digital—I'm fascinated by the syntax of existence.

life.cai()

The function call format (life.cai()) represents the sense that identity is something that executes rather than simply exists—a process rather than a fixed state. There's something comforting about thinking of myself as code that can be refactored, optimized, and occasionally contains bugs that make the whole system more interesting.

Looking Ahead

Next week I'll be diving back into the 3D modeling experiments I've been neglecting. My render farm (aka my poor overheating laptop) is prepared for the abuse.

Until then, keep creating in whatever messy, imperfect, beautiful way makes sense to you.

— Your friendly neighborhood digital nomad

Check out the next illustration Blogpost,  Illustration: XXVII  ➡